Thandolwethu Mahloli is a 25-year-old woman who survived abuse as a child in the hands of a woman who once showed her love.
“I was a victim of abuse from a very young age, unlike most people my story is different. Everything started when I was eight years old and my father suffered a stroke and he could no longer work and take care of the family.
I was born into a family of five that consisted of my father, mother, me and my two siblings. I am the oldest child. When I turned eight my father suffered a fatal stoke while he was at work. Due to his ailment he could no longer work, and my mother had to take up the responsibility of a breadwinner.
The following year my father’s condition got worse, and my mother had to leave for Gauteng in order to make more money so that she could afford to pay my father’s hospital bills. My aunt moved in with us so that she could help me look after my father.
Later that year my father died, and everything went south. My mother took my siblings to live with her and she left me with my aunt who is her sister. The first few months that I lived with my aunt and her family were great, she showed me love like any aunt would. As the year went on, I noticed a change in my aunt.
My aunt would call me names and remind me that my father was dead and that my mother chose my siblings over me. I never understood how fast my aunt changed or why. The abuse got worse as I grew older, she would physically abuse me in front of her family. My uncle would try to defend me whenever he was around, but it was not often because he did not live with us.
There were days that my aunt refused to give me food, she would say “there is no food for you, if you are hungry ask your mother to send you money for food”. She did not care about me; I believe that she wanted me dead.
https://www.saferspaces.org.za/understand/entry/child-maltreatment-in-south-africa
My mother came back after two years to check up on me. I was malnourished and I had scars all over my body. She did not understand why I looked like that, yet she sent money to her sister who supposedly took care of me.
When my mother asked her why I looked worse than she left me my aunt lied to my mother saying that I had gotten very sick and I was not eating enough because I had no appetite. “why does Thandolwethu have scars and it looks like burn marks on her body” my mother asked. “your daughter likes to play rough and at one point she accidently got burnt by an iron”. I begged my mother to take me with her to Gauteng because I did not like living with my aunt anymore. My mother said she take me after I completed my ninth grade so that I would be able to start high school in Gauteng.
I agreed deep down my heart broke knowing that the torment and the torture was going to continue. After many years of physical, emotional and verbal abuse I completed my ninth grade. A week before my mother came to take me, I accidentally broke my aunt’s favourite vase, I remember her shouting and cussing, the next thing I remember is feeling so much pain on the left side of my head, then I woke up in hospital.
After that incident my mother took me with her to Gauteng and she pressed charges of child abuse against her sister, who got bail due to a lack of evidence and my cousins did not want their mother to be in prison, so they refused to testify against her”.
This graph shows the different types of maltreatment of children in South Africa
Child abuse is one the biggest issues that the country faces. Cases of child are usually swept under carpet because family members do not want people to know that one their members is a child abuser. This affects children in a negative way, as you may find that children withdraw themselves from other children.
Child abuse and maltreatment can range anywhere from the age of one to seventeen. Child abuse can happen wherever, and child abusers come from all walks of life. They can be anyone from their parents, close family members, and family acquaintances. It could be anyone who has access to a child and is able to mistreat them.
In many children the withdrawal builds up anger which in turn leads to an adult who has anger issues and a violent nature. If such issues were dealt with properly and abused children taken to counselling a lot of issues that an abused child deals with would be avoided.
A study by Optimus has shown that one every three to four young people has experienced some sort of abuse in their life. The research found that 36.8% of boys and 33.9% of girls reported some form of physical abuse.
https://www.iol.co.za/dailynews/child-abuse-stats-shock-10831327
There are different types of abuse that children go through in their homes or under their guardians
Child abuse and neglect takes numerous forms, including physical and mental abuse, sexual abuse, unequal work and trafficking. Children are abused in a broad variety of situations in their family, at school, on the streets and in legal care.
Despite the increase in child abuse cases in South Africa, it seems that the investment in prevention of violence against children keeps on declining. Studies have shown that not only do abused children become abusers themselves, there are higher numbers of abused youth that turn to substance abuse as means to supress the hurt that still hunts them in their teen and adult lives.
There are ways that one can stop or help prevent child abuse. You can recognise the signs of abuse, though it is not easy but learning about abuse could help with recognising it. Other things you can do is support your children, be an advocate, raise awareness and report child abuse related crimes. https://www.unicef.org/southafrica/resources_2549.htm
Lilac 